I was looking into some old water today that had pooled up around our fish hold. Pieces of seaweed and dirt and scales were floating in it. While my dad was running the engines the water was hit with a current, first forward, then slowly sucking backwards- all of a sudden the water seemed alive. I thought of all the tiny organisms living in there that I couldn’t see. How there was a whole planet just in that little pool of water- that it was living its life outside of me- on a different scale, a different plane of existence. And were those little buggers content? I bet they are the same. I bet they are all miserably over-productive amoebas. 4.0 students with internships and nepotistic entrances into grad school types of amoebas.
I started hating the whole little pool and looking for a dry towel to holocaust the whole population when I had another thought.
We’re all the same. But we’re all disconnected. Atoms and ribs and samsara and ceiba trees. Humans and amoebas.
Then boom, my thesis hit me. Quit watching “I heart Huckabees” because you are turning into a total fucking freak.
Jumpin in Atitlan.
On the run are we. It won’t last forever I know. And this is why, perhaps, we’ve been running so hard. Because before we know it we’ll be back in our PNW SUVs heading to PCC(I miss it), texting LOLs to our BFFs. Just kidding on that last part, I don’t do that.
There’s a breeze right now that’s nice. It’s sticky from the saltwater, but it’s quite a nice respite from the 100 degree days that filled Semana Santa. Poneloya is the place. A nice but unremarkable beach where we sit writing in tandem own private thoughts, and silence- waiting for the waves to turn up and the wind to peace out.
Our relationship has had some tribulations. Just last night I was elevated to a state of irrational anger and refused to walk home together, so close to screaming in the street I knew I needed space. So I unwisely left him, mapless, really fucking clueless where we were since we had circled ten times in our argument of being lost, and started walking towards every sexually aggressive and scary male in the confines of Leon(one with a stick that followed me).
Or there was the other day we were fighting in public and I ejected again to party with some Nicas in the street, listening to mariachi bands-and wound up closing down a bar with the bar owner drinking Mezcal into the wee wee’s. Of course when I got home and our host father said Bdo had been looking for me for 2 hours worried, I realized this complication of being mad, needing space, but being in a mans world with only a vagina.
But it’s been a trip. The people have been rad and have touched a stoke I haven’t felt in some time. Here in Nicaragua, there’s a genuineness in people, an openness with flirting smiles and a grasp on life that feels in touch with things I worry our culture has lost permanently.
Honduras I could argue has been the most fun but for superficial(in traveling standards) means. Partying on two story popsicle decked docks and jumping in after 10 shots of 10 cent tequila with a smart foxy boy. He managed to distract me from myself for almost a week but in the end I had to get going, this is life running, no stopping over for romance now.
And Guatemala, fucking Guatemala, was my favorite. The culture- it’s Maya everywhere- in the dress, the markets, the goods, the sharing and simplicity. The fincas, the food, the lakes, mountains, forests. I fell in love at the border and it’s a country I could see living in. More on that later.
Another liter has come and it’s time to start running.
This city is beautiful. Exhausting. Constantly probing- full on accosting attacks to which no non cubano is safe.
With reason. Poor versus poverty. To need versus to want. To be faceless, to be told you don’t want. It’s a study of the human psyche and certainly shortages and asinine rations play roles. Socialism is dying here- I see it in the faces of the solicitors. Capitalists.
But this city. BEAUTIFUL. Pretty. Enchanting. Amazing. Not enough-There are no words for it. Like the most gorgeous mujer I’ve ever seen. The buildings, the architecture and plazas are her skin-wrinkles showing when she laughs. The music everywhere-it’s the soul of the woman and all dance to her beat. The people of the street sway as they walk as if counting salsa steps. The cars here: old, classic, colored pure and bright and frequently breaking down- you can view one with a wrench cranking in it on any street corner, 2 modern tainos crouched over yelling staccato Spanish too loud. They stop just long enough to give an obligatory whistle to the girls walking by.
Havana, so aggressive you’re borderline abusive. So breath-taking its impossible not to fall for you. I guess we”ll just have to settle on an abusive relationship.